I re-read Karla McLaren’s chapter on what is not. And I remembered all the things I learned about love from that. What is love really?
Well it’s a power. It’s a force. It just is. If God is love, and God created all things with the power of love then I was created in love, by love, to love and be loved.
Yeah, I know, lots of love floating around right? But it made so much sense to me. It still does. Every thing on this planet was originally born in love by love. It was created for a reason and that reason was to love and be loved.
I still had a very long way to go, and lots of things to learn about love. I mean leaning to shift from fear to love was going to be a process and one that was not going to be easy. I still had no idea what the experience of being love was. I had spent so much of my life as fear.
But as usual, God and the universe had things all lined up for me. That whole when you are ready the teacher comes thing is absolutely true. Even when, no, especially when you don’t realize that an experience or person is the teacher.
I was getting metaphorically kicked in the butt by God to search out something else. If you recall I grew up Mormon but that just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I saw too much fear and abuse in the execution of what was taught.
Plus there were so many people who refused to see the world as it is. And that made it impossible for many of the members to really relate to me at all. I still have this problem. They have no baseline to understand a life like mine.
So I went looking and found Shambhala Buddhism and I love it. They focus on learning about oneself through meditation, learning the teachings, going out and living the teachings as you learn them and building on it as you go.
Just like I always learned at church. Line upon line, precept upon precept. One step at a time. And that’s how Shambhala Buddist’s work.
And then you go out and help other people do the same thing while continuing your own growth and learning. It’s the best application of what I always learned growing up.
Plus, the people do not hide from the world, but take all kinds of lifestyles and pasts into account and help those who need it. So my addiction finally had an amazing help.
Course by this point the addiction was far more manageable.