Love and marriage and babies

Having twins forced me to look at some of my hopes and expectations surrounding having kids.

I wanted that whole water birth at home or at a birth center experience. But where I live, it’s illegal to have twins outside of a hospital. So I had to prepare for a hospital birth. And not just a regular vaginal birth either. Because both babies were breech.

I had to prepare for a C-Section. And that terrified me beyond belief. Of course being pregnant with twins was pretty terrifying and not just for after they were born. There is literally no point in a multiple pregnancy where both babies are considered ‘safe’ to be left alone.

I was in every 2 weeks, after we found out, to monitor them. I was 35 and pregnant for the first time with twins. The doctors were amazed I went as long as I did with no complications.

Well I was blessed. I had absolutely no complications of any kind. Just the normal stuff when you’re carrying two babies around. All the pregnancy symptoms started earlier than with one baby, I got absolutely huge but no one could really tell because my boobs went from a double D to heaven knows what size.

And the babies were curled up in such a way that they were head to feet with each other. One of them was way up in my diaphragm. Where the doctors thought they could not go. But there she was, with her face/head literally behind my sternum.

We got a doula and she helped me to come to terms with a C-Section by the simple expedient of telling me how they generally go.

We scheduled the C-Section and then went in 5 days early because the girls finally started showing some minor issues. And of course it was considered an emergency C-Section, so I’m terrified because everything they would have done for us 5 days later was now out the window.

My only consolation was that my husband was going to be allowed in. And possibly my doula. But she didn’t arrive until after they closed the O.R. so it was my husband and the anethesiologist.

I informed him that whatever they usually use probably won’t work on me. No idea if he payed attention or not. Just remembered how much pain being stabbed in the spinal nerves was because the initial numbing agent didn’t do a whole lot either.

Then the sudden drop of blood pressure and the anxious looks as they shot who knows what else into me to stabilize me. And then the pain. The incredible agonizing pain. I almost crushed my husband’s hand.

And of course there were two babies to pull out. So after the pain of the first one, I got to feel it all over again with the second one who was a little more difficult to get out.

My husband was ecstatic. He got to cut the cords and be with the babies and I was just stuck to this table wondering if the pain was over because no one was telling me anything that was going on. Not that I was able to hear much of anything through the haze of agony from a very spotty spinal tap.

Of course I was very grateful the babies were alive, we had no complications, they were healthy enough to stay out of NICU, etc, etc.

But now I had birth trauma. And two babies who needed me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *